Journey of Life
For some reason my life has never been simple. It has always been complex and confusing. I never had the chance to listen to any of the Helle stories like my cousins did growing up, but I did have a lot of firsthand experiences of life's hard lessons.
Being a child was never an option for me. I had to learn to reason and understand like an adult from the time my parents were divorced. The only time I could escape and be me was when I was writing a story, poem or journaling. I felt I had to be independent and responsible for myself at a very young age. Especially, after my dad got sent away. I remember how tough it was for my mom to become a single mom raising two kids. During these difficult years, my mom had to make very difficult decisions that were in the best interest of all of us. Her decision though affected our relationship with each other even today. My brother went to live with my mom's brother and wife while I was raised by my mom. I believe even today that my mom did what she believed to be the best thing for us.
At a young age of 11, I went to church and found out that I'm not alone. That God loved me and He wanted to give me peace and happiness. I accepted the invitation and asked Jesus to come into my life. At times the sadness reached so deep, that I thought I would never have a chance of a good life. I considered myself a big puzzle with several pieces scattered all over the place.
Something inside me kept telling me to keep fighting and striving to be better and no matter what NEVER QUIT. I would remind myself that this chapter of my life that I had to live in would be soon behind me. I struggled so much along the way, but I held on tight to God and His word. Knowing that God was my provider and he was there to take care of me.
My relationship between my mother and I grew difficult, as I grew into a teenager. My anger and fear grew more evident during that time period, but I still made a pack to forgive my parents no matter what. I wrote my dad often but I still yearned for his presence.
I felt so lost and confused with little happiness along the way. I made myself happy through other people. I never truly experience true happiness for myself. I had to learn a valuable lesson in life and that is true happiness is up to the person in the mirror. When I was 17yearsof age, I went to Moscow, Russia for a month on a mission trip. That trip changed who I was and who I wanted to be. The black cloud that carried across my life slowly disappeared. When I graduated from high school it became another great accomplishment for me. Only because statistics of the school system said I should have been a drop out due to the fact that I lived in a single family home my father was sent away. A year after graduation, I met the man of my life. I had no idea that he was going to my world upside down. He showed me that life was too short to live the way I was living. He accepted me, my fears, insecurities, sadness, and my family pain. Help me get passed it all teaching met Olean on him for support and the Lord for restoration. Slowly through the years I learned about forgiveness and began to live my life to the fullness.
April 30, 1999,my dad got out and began living his new life. With my dad released a new beginning started for both of us. This chapter of my life is now closed for good. A new and different relationship has been built between us. He became my friend as we began learning to rebuild our relationship of father and daughter. The "Sins of the Father" no longer lies on my shoulders. What a relief it is to finally feel such freedom from my childhood tragedies.
So I may not have heard all the family stories, music, or laughter but I defiantly had something passed down to me through blood that is to persevere no matter what hand of cards has been dealt.
 (Sharon Bearce)